Choo's 13 Immutable Laws on Employment in $ingapore
*inspired and heavily influenced by the Dilbert Almighty and my real life personal experiences.
The right of Choo Chun Nam to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Garfield's Copyleft Act 2005. All rights reserved but feel free to forward all of my laws to the whole wide world (all I ask for is to just give me the damn credit I deserve!).
Choo's First Law
All the good ones are either gone or going soon, simply because they have a choice.
All the bad ones stay behind, simply because they have nowhere else to go.
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys PERIOD
Choo's Second Law
Like foodstuff, every employee in $ingapore has an expiry date (currently fixed at 40 years old by most companies).
No company will want to hire you once you’re expired … unless you are M&M LKY who is 80 (double of the expiry date) and is still earning more than S$3 million a year.
Choo's Third Law
When part time staff work less and earn more than full time staff, massive disillusionment and demoralization are assured.
Choo's Fourth Law
It does not pay to be competent because most $ingapore bosses will simply take full advantage of you by giving you a big title with additional responsibilities but without the additional pay nor bonus.
It pays to be incompetent because most $ingapore bosses will simply reward you by giving you less or no work at all because you cannot be relied upon to do a good job anyway.
There is actually a scientific management term for this paradox. It’s called "managing the boss' expectations" which enables the freeloaders, slackers and underachievers to get away with murder for about 99.99% of the time.
Choo's Fifth Law
Too much work, too little time.
Too much responsibilities, too little compensation.
Best solution: "Outsourcing" to your unsuspecting co-workers or subordinates (formerly known as "arrowing").
Choo's Sixth Law
Things are never as simple as they may appear to you.
Your boss may not be as nice as you assume he is.
Your co-worker may not be as wicked as you think she is.
Choo's Seventh Law
No one is indispensable (unless if you are an MM or an SM of course).
You may be the best performer in the world and your boss may be the worst slacker in the world but when push comes to shove, your boss will be more than happy to sacrifice you for one very simple reason: SELF PRESERVATION.
Choo's Eighth Law
When a leader is weak, overly optimistic, out of touch with reality, suffers from delusions of grandeur (folie de grandeur) and tries to avoid conflicts at all costs, the work place will quickly turn into a fertile breeding ground and safe haven for freeloaders, slackers, deadwood, charlatans, quacks, incompetent imbeciles and prima donnas.
Choo's Ninth Law
We are the willing,
Led by the unknowing,
Doing the impossible,
For the ungrateful.
Choo's Tenth Law
Irish philosopher, Edmund Burke (1729 – 1797) once said: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing."
English historian, Lord Acton (1834 - 1902) once said: "Power tends to corrupt. Absolute power corrupts absolutely."
You are being bullied/harassed/victimised by your fellow co-workers on a daily basis…
If you are lucky, your boss will sit on his ass doing absolutely nothing to alleviate your suffering.
If you are unlucky, your boss will join in the fun as well and make life a pure living hell for you.
Choo's Eleventh Law
What is the most important part of your job that will never be stated in the job description?
Cleaning other people's sh*t day in day out.
Choo's Twelfth Law
Same sh*t, different day.
Choo's Be Your Own Boss Law
When you are your own boss, you control your own DESTINY.
When you are just an employee, you control NOTHING.
Money isn't everything … it's the only thing.
This is $ingapore, mind you.
